She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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