Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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