Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize