I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
