best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
