the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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