i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
