Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize