Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
