M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
