im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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