my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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