I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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