You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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