Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
