we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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