im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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