the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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