Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
