Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
