butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Randomize
