He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I would fuck him just for his dog
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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