Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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