Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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