honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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