I wish i was in the wii world.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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