i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm at about main and main street
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
