Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
