Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
