I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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