Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
