Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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