I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want to make out with him forever
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
