I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
