All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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