she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
