After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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