I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize