I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
