so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
