My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
