Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
