i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
