not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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