party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize