now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
