U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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