Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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