He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
