We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
