would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
