yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
