Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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