I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
