It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
