how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
