I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
