He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
