I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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