do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
