I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you would pick up someone in the library
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
