You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
