I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
