i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
