HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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