he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she pinky promised me she was 18
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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