Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize