I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
