Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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