she looked like the bat from fern gully.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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