And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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