Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
