i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
