Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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