omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
no you cant smoke seaweed
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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