two words: eviction party
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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