A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
3pm strippers are depressing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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