Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
