Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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