My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize