i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I love you. Go after that dick
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
