the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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