that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize