At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
