My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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