so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize