okay pat passed out under dana's car
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
