Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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