Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
