what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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