i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
whose ass print is on the piano?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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