Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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