My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
