Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
